


Roger Daltrey Turns into a Dragon, Ruins Everything

by michaeljagger



Category: Bear in the Big Blue House, Christian Bible, Frasier (TV), Pocket Monsters: Ruby & Sapphire & Emerald | Pokemon Ruby Sapphire Emerald Versions, Shrek 2 (2004), Shrek Series, The Who
Genre: Crack, Dark "Humour", M/M, Other, Time Travel, divine intervention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:31:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaeljagger/pseuds/michaeljagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When God came down from Heaven to visit sixteen-year-old Frasier Crane, neither of them could have imagined the events that would unfold afterwards (not to mention before). Not really a fanfiction, more a solemn report of events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roger Daltrey Turns into a Dragon, Ruins Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhh the things that happen when you don't want to write an essay. Even for a crack fic this is awful and absurd. Disclaimer: This is absolutely all fictional.

In 1971, Frasier Crane was just your average sixteen-year-old virgin. However, all that changed when he was commanded by God Himself to carry His child and bring about peace on Earth. Due to an admin error, though, God told Frasier that He had arrived on Earth about 28 years later than He was supposed to, so they would have to go back in time. Frasier heartily agreed and was transported back to the year 1943. He quickly became pregnant and, in March 1944, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy called Roger, who was adopted by the Daltrey family once Frasier was returned to his own time.

Roger grew into a happy, healthy young man, never aware that his real father lived in Boston and was eleven years younger than him. However, Roger’s perfect life lacked one thing - a true love. It was not until 2003, when Roger was almost sixty, that he finally married Pete Townshend.

It was a beautiful wedding. Frasier finally revealed to Roger that they were related, and cried tears of joy as he walked his son up the aisle. The guests threw baked beans instead of confetti. And Roger and Pete’s close friends, Shrek and Princess Fiona, had been married just one week before.

But their euphoric happiness could not last long. Not long into the marriage Roger began to feel moody and hormonal. Pete irresponsibly ran off to live with Shrek and Fiona. A distraught Roger turned himself into a dragon through sheer power of will and got a low-key job as a bus driver in Canada.

Despite their estrangement, Roger and Pete soon realised that they could not live without each other. Roger, the more proactive of the two, tracked Pete down to Far Far Away, where he had gone with Shrek and Fiona. Roger decided to surprise Pete - not just with his return, but with the sextuplets he had given birth to in his absence!

Pete was overjoyed to see Roger again, and to meet their children. They shared a passionate reunion and vowed never to split up again - but they had barely been together for three months before the cracks, once again, began to show.

For one thing, Roger had named three of their children John, and the other three Keith. This was very confusing and Pete begged him to choose new names, but Roger was stubborn. The strain of raising six children was beginning to tear them apart.

Roger and Pete decided that they would make one last-ditch attempt to save their marriage. Roger had always been told by his father, Frasier, that he had an amazing singing voice, and Pete played the guitar. So they decided to form a band with their children (thanks to another God-related admin error, the Johns and Keiths aged at several times the normal rate, and were already in their early twenties) - but there were problems. Roger and Pete were getting old, and doubted they would have the energy to perform as a band _and_ raise six children. So Roger got in touch with his other father, God, and the family were transported back to the mid-1960s, so Roger and Pete could be young again (and Roger could turn back into a human).

The Who were a phenomenal success. Having eight people in a band didn’t work, so the Johns and Keiths were rotated and they played as a four-piece. They had several hit singles, the children’s aging rates returned to normal, and Roger and Pete’s marriage was back on track. The family’s life, however, was not to remain this harmonious.

They had toured successfully for many years when Keith 2 (Pete had numbered the children to make things easier) suddenly turned against his parents. After several huge arguments and blocked toilets, Keith faked his own death and got his grandfather to take him back in time to 1946, so he could find a new family. The Who were left in tatters. The other two Keiths refused to carry on playing, and faked their deaths too.

Keith 2 was adopted by a moon and a bear, and lived in their big blue house with them. They did not seem perturbed by the fact that their son was 32 years old and had a beard, and gave him the surname “Moon”. They later adopted another child - a girl called Daphne, who would, in a strange coincidence, go on to marry Keith’s Great Uncle Niles.

But Keith soon grew bored with a child’s life. He went a couple of years further back in time and travelled to the faraway Hoenn region, which was full of exotic creatures called “Pokémon”. Keith spent a memorable night in the Day Care with a female Nosepass, but when she proudly showed him the egg she had laid the next morning, Keith knew it was time for him to go.

The baby - Peter - was half-Nosepass, but his human characteristics were too strong and the other Nosepass in the community rejected him. He was given up for adoption, and taken on by… the Townshend family.

In the end, Roger and Pete’s marriage was not saved. They were divorced upon their return to the 21st century, and Roger turned back into a dragon, permanently this time. On 1st March 2013 - his 69th birthday - he was married again, to the poet Michael Rosen. Pete was not invited to the wedding.

The Johns also faked their own deaths in 2002, after an argument over the amount of spiders it is acceptable to release in a public place. They and the Keiths now live in a reclusive swamp with their parents’ old friends, Shrek and Fiona, and Shrek’s polyamorous partner David Bowie.

Pete never found out that he was, technically, his own grandson. He has taken over Roger’s Canadian bus route.

Frasier still has his psychiatric radio show, but the number of callers has plummeted since its heyday in the 1990s. Much of the airtime is now occupied by an English caller who identifies himself only as Rejected in Richmond, and complains constantly about his difficult divorce, his large nose and his baffling urge to commune with rocks.


End file.
